The One About Body Image

Oh dear, seems like everyone has something to say about this topic, don't they? Well now it's my turn. *cue dramatic music*
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Okay, since my sound engineer quit because I forgot to pay him, we have no dramatic music. So we'll just settle for a few gasps of surprise. *cue horrified gasps*
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...well since I'm the only one here, I guess I'll just gasp and ask you to gasp along. Don't be afraid of looking like a fish out of water, it's for the good of interactive reading!

Well all right, that was a pretty good horrified gasp. Try and put a little more emotion into that inhale next time, but it'll do for the moment. Now where was I? Oh yes... body image.
*cue horrified gasps*

This is a topic people seem to have a lot of opinions about. And even I myself used to say things like "I don't understand [insert name/random passerby/whoever here], they're so pretty. How can they be so insecure about [insert random physical characteristic here] when they look so good?"

I've started to shy away from that though, because I've begun to see in myself how there is much more to body image than just how you actually look. Body image is about your own perception of yourself, and as the old saying goes: "you are your own worst critic."

Let's take myself as an example. It makes sense, since this is my blog. (haha, see how I managed to grammatically include both 'since' and 'sense' in the same sentence? I love being a nerd...) Recently, I've had the unfortunate displeasure of a horrid outbreak of adult acne. I never really had acne even through high school, and the only time I "washed" my face was when shampoo got on it in the shower. So when this acne decided to interrupt my life about midway through 2010, I did my best to ignore it. Unfortunately, acne doesn't take that attitude well, and I've spent the last few years figuring out how to deal with these pimples that seem to have taken up permanent residence on my face.

While I can keep them somewhat under control, using makeup only exacerbates the condition, which means if I try to cover up the existing acne I will only be creating more acne. Talk about unhelpful. So I've learned to cope and wash my face twice a day and use toners and anti-acne moisturizers and all those other things that I didn't even know existed before suddenly they became essential. From what I understand, my acne is caused by stress. Which basically means my life gives me acne, because when was the last time going to school away from your family wasn't stressful?

But I'm not writing this to complain about my acne. (Okay, maybe I am, a little.) What I didn't realize was how much acne would affect my self-esteem. (woo-hoo! another hot-button topic! I'm just throwing these words around like confetti!)

See, before my acne, I'd considered my face my best feature. I've never been particularly skinny, and in a world where supermodels are practically all anorexic and it's a cardinal sin to have an above-average BMI (I'm within the healthy weight range, but I'm nowhere near skinny), I'd found that the best way for me to feel beautiful was to "rest in the knowledge" that I had a nice face.

Cue acne. Suddenly, I felt like everything beautiful about myself was gone. I'm still not skinny and probably never will be. But now I also had a face with puffy red marks on it that wouldn't go away. How was I supposed to live like that? Some days, even if the acne's bad, I still feel okay. Other days I just want to wear a Burqa (or a giant burlap sack over my head) and be done with it.

And it's funny, because every morning when I look in the mirror, I have a different idea about myself. Some days, I look at myself and think "Oh hey, you don't look half bad. You have a nice body shape, even if you're not a twig." And other times I look in the mirror and have to walk away, because all I can see is this hideous thing staring back at me. And there's no real rhyme or reason to it. I suspect it's part hormones, part sleep deprivation, and part moods in general.

Thinking back, I realize it's always been this way. And I suspect I'm not the only one. Why do we as people place so much value in the physical? Because it can be seen and heard and felt. But what amazes me is how little value we place on the spiritual. Ultimately, the one who made us, God, knows us best.

And he loves us. Even in our sin: weakness, selfishness, foolish pride, and so much more, he still continues to love us dearly. And in his eyes, we are exactly what he made us to be. God doesn't want cardboard cutouts, so why should we? Our culture places so much pressure on men and women to conform to  "ideals" that have no place in God's kingdom. What a blessing to know that when I get to heaven, I won't ever wake up, look in the mirror, and think "Ugh, I'm hideous."

Instead, each day, I'll wake to the sound of an angel choir (singing perfectly and in perfect harmony -- how fantastic does THAT sound?), and when I look in the mirror, I will see a perfect and holy child of God.

Somehow, this vision gives whole new meaning to that verse in 1 Corinthians.  Specifically that verse that says "now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face-to-face." It's such a beautiful thought. (Even better that this verse begins the wrap-up of 1 Cor. 13, otherwise known as "the Love chapter".) God knows and loves us, and when we have been made perfect in him, when we reach heaven, we'll see ourselves the way we were always made to be. And I don't know if that means I'll be skinny or just that my size won't make people see me as someone headed down a diabetic path, but I know that it will be beautiful, and more wonderful than I can possibly imagine right now.

That last bit of 1 Corinthians 13 gets me every time, so I'll put it here in case you don't know it:


¹⁰ But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away.
¹¹ When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. ¹² For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known.
¹³ And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.
  
It just makes me want to cry in happiness. "When I was a child...I understood as a child". All these physical characteristics we put so much stock in here on Earth are truly childish things! When we become the people God calls us to be, we will put aside foolish things. (Now I'm not saying we shouldn't be healthy, our body is a temple of the Lord's. I'm just saying that starving the body or running it into the ground is no better than overfeeding it and never exercising.) 

"Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known." There's something truly beautiful about this picture. Right now, we can catch little glimpses of the beautiful person God's made us to be, broken and cursed as we are by our sin. But one day, we will know as we also are known. When God looks at us, he doesn't see the flaws, he sees us as we will be. He sees us, covered with Christ's blood, his beautiful child who is reborn, redeemed. And he thinks we're beautiful. One day, we too will know the beauty in us that God already knows.

I guess that's what it boils down to. I hate myself some days. I hate my body some days. I hate my sin when I'm not in the act. (which happens more than I'd like to admit)

But God? He loves me. He loves every last piece of me. He sees me as I should be, not broken and destroyed by this cruel, sinful world.

And now abide faith, hope, love, these three;

but the greatest of these...

is Love.